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What Type of Glasses Do You Wear to See the World?

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." ~ Anais Nin

"Creatures of a very particular making, we need to know the cultural blinders that narrow our world view as well as the psychological blinders that narrow our view of our personal experience." ~ Christina Baldwin

  
 Yesterday, I was watching a panel discuss the 35th anniversary of the publishing of "The Black Book" and had a few epiphanies.


"The Black Book" is a black Bible of sorts, a historical collection of the African-American experience beginning with slavery (this irks me, but that's another blog post for another time) through the present. Because the book reflects the African-American experience, it is weighed down by tales of unbelievable horror as well as uplifted with stories of triumph. That is the full range of our experience in America, and it's also a reflection of America's broader history.

There are five panelists: 4 blacks, 1 (?); 3 women, 2 men; estimated age ranges are 20's to 70's (1 in her 20's, male and female in their 30's, 1 in her 40's and 1 in his 70's).

The five people are: Roscoe Brown, member of the Tuskegee Airmen and president emeritus of Bronx Community College; Ilyasah Shabazz, author, activist, and daughter of Malcolm X and Dr. Betty Shabazz; journalist, author, and cultural critic Toure; and Rebecca Sando, daughter of Ernest Smith, the co-editor of The Black Book.

Ok, now that we have established pieces of their backgrounds (i.e. prisms), let me get to the point...

As I watched the program, I noticed that two of the panelists are working from a "positive" world view, while two of the panelists are working from a "negative" world view. The moderator & editor of the 35th anniversary edition of the book, Porscha Burke, is adequately neutral. Fair & balanced, right?

The first pair of optimistic v. pessimistic is the women panelists.  The first quote that resonated with me came from Ilyasah Shabazz: "In my household, you were either an activist or a victim. There were no victims. Just like we drink water, we help someone." I'm not sure of Ilyasah's birth info (and don't feel like looking it up), but she has the regal bearing and cat-like features of a person with Leo rising. This is usually the rising sign of a person who's born into a privileged position within the family. I have read her autobiography and can say with certainty that she has an upbeat attitude towards life. Unfortunately, I didn't even catch any quotes from Rebecca Sando because her droning, whiny voice hurt my ears too much for me to focus on her specifics. The gist of her comments are blacks don't know our history and should and it was hard to get the original book published.

So that leaves optimistic Mr. Roscoe Brown and pessimistic Toure.  Mr. Roscoe Brown gleefully describes "The Black Book" as "something that can boost our egos!" Imagine that - a man who has faced blatant racism that's in our history books sees mostly positive in a book about the AA experience. On the other hand, Toure interrupts Mr. Brown to point out that the majority of the book is heartbreaking and his favorite part is a story of police brutality.

This is where I became quite frustrated with what I was seeing and hearing...and it was the catalyst to one of my mini-epiphanies. Every time Mr. Brown tried to cheer himself (and me) up with a happy tale of what our race has accomplished, here comes Toure with a sad tale of how frustrated he is with racism. Why is it that a man who has relatively little to complain about in terms of race is doing most of the complaining? He's eating regularly, not homeless, not living from check to check, has a nice job, a healthy family, etc. (unlike Rebecca Sando who has the opposite life as she described in one of her gloomy comments). I don't know Toure personally, but I'm willing to bet my entire life savings that he has not experienced the level of in-your-face-racism that Mr. Brown has experienced. But here he is...singing that tired "nobody knows the trouble I've seen" song.

Two years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a Tuskegee Airman at a nursing home in Georgia. His wisdom, positive attitude about his harrowing experiences as a pilot, and enthusiasm to help us campaign for then-presidential candidate Barack Obama inspired me during those times when my body ached and my spirit was low. His stories also put my complaints into proper perspective. I got the same feeling while watching Mr. Brown interact with Toure.

I viewed this program with my mother and a friend. We all agreed that Toure is whiny.  As we all nodded and made fun of his whining, I realized that I feel this way quite a bit with people who stubbornly refuse to see any bright side to any situation. The cultural blinder through which I'm viewing the world prevents me from seeing the cup as half-empty 100% of the time.

Both my father and mother are "positive thinkers" who taught me that the world's possibilities are limitless. The implied message I took away from my childhood is that, if I have a problem, then it's probably my fault for not thinking of an adequate solution or working hard enough to exploit life's bountiful offerings. These teachings are clearly reflected in the condition of my ascendant.

Our ascendant (or rising sign) is the pair of glasses that we wear throughout life, which tints our view of objective reality. The different types of views can be generally summarized by using the 4 elements: fire (optimistic, enterprising); earth (practical, materialistic); air (theoretical, abstract); water (emotional; receptive).  We were gifted with these life glasses at birth. We inherited a certain type of parents, a birth order, a family culture, an income level, a geographical location, the attitudes and norms that we learn through the process of socialization, and so on.  All of these inheritances are represented in our charts by the placement of our ascendant and its relation to the rest of our horoscope.

As I watched this panel discussion, I began to suspect that Mr. Brown's Rising is in a fire sign. Regardless of the topic, he quickly found the upside and he has a beaming smile that hasn't dimmed with age. I also began to suspect that Toure's Rising is a water sign (or modified by water influence). Almost every comment that he makes has an emotional or victim tinge to it. The first story he tells is of how there will never be an end to racism (or his complaining about race? gah!), then of being attacked on Twitter for his beliefs (not exactly the same as the government refusing to let you fight for your country, eh?), then being attacked for having a non-black wife, then not being able to speak about race in his family because of the painful emotions it elicits from his grandmother, then...you get the point.

Someone with an ascendant in a water sign feels their way through life, soaking up all of the emotional undercurrents of each experience and each new atmosphere. This person would get very frustrated with people who don't get the mood or feeling of an experience. They're attracted to people who can commiserate with them and they might go into repeat mode until their emotions are validated.

While a part of me understands where he's coming from, another part of me was saying "Come on! Life isn't that bad! Do you want some cheese with that whine?" The part of me that relates to him is my Sun and Moon in water signs. On some level, I can empathize with his glaring "stuck in the past" way of viewing life. He seems to me to be very much emotionally affected by his childhood. He carries those memories with him like a turtle carries its home on its back.  The part of me that's breaking out the violin to play a lively ditty for him is my Sagittarius rising. While I absorb most experiences at a very deep emotional level and retain negative experiences like a pregnant woman holds onto water, my background tells me that I should look for the silver lining in every cloud (Sagittarius is full of upbeat cliches). Therefore, I become very uncomfortable around "downers".  It's as if they are breaking some type of universal law by being so pessimistic.

Throughout my life, I have been keenly aware of the contradiction between my inner and outer self. I used to wonder why I worry so much on the inside but inexplicably present a "happy face" to others. My habit causes many people to think that I lead a charmed life (hello Jupiter!) and have infinite words of encouragement for them, even while I'm dealing with multiple problems of my own and don't want to be bothered with their problems.

According to Skye Thomas, our Rising Sign can either reinforce or clash with our inner selves (Sun & Moon signs):

You’ve heard of a wolf in sheep’s clothing?  Discard the story behind that image and let’s just imagine a wolf that looks like a sheep.  In astrology, we would say that his Sun Sign is that of the Wolf and that his Rising Sign is that of the Sheep.  No, Wolf and Sheep are not real zodiac signs.  I am just using them to illustrate a point.  Astrologically speaking, this is not a case of the wolf trying to deceive us.  He simply has been born with sheep’s clothing and that is initially how people see him.  It takes a while to get to know him and realize that he actually is a wolf deep down inside.  In the same way that the inner yolk is very different from the outer shell, they are both part of what makes up the nature of the egg.  Such is the dynamic with Sun Signs and Rising Signs...(snip).

Sometimes knowing someone’s Rising Sign clashes with their Sun Sign helps us to realize that they do not mean to come across as such a confusing contradiction.  Not all wolves in sheep’s clothing are intentionally deceitful.  Some sheep just have the spirit of a wolf deep down inside of them. - Source

We tend to attract friends, lovers and situations into our lives based on our rising sign. In other words, not only is our view of the world filtered through the lenses of our rising sign, but our life experiences tend to reinforce this view because they are both pre-destined and we actively seek them out. If we encounter evidence that challenges our version of "reality", we can dismiss it either unconsciously (by not "seeing" it) or consciously (by arguing its validity).

Because of my happy-go-lucky demeanor, I tend to attract - and gravitate towards - other positive thinkers (or people who believe they should be positive thinkers). When I see these people (who the universe has chosen to put in my path and I have chosen to accept into my life) take risks and win, that reinforces my view that a.) life is what you make it and b.) nothing ventured, nothing gained. Is this objectively true? Maybe. Maybe not. But objective truth doesn't matter to us much, does it?  As the saying goes: "Perception is reality."  Most of the time, my rosy-colored glasses block out those times when my loved ones or I don't win our gambles. Or my glasses help me justify the gamble by finding the lesson learned, so "it's really not that bad...at least we're wiser for it!" I also have Neptune, the planet of illusion, in my 1st house of self-identity so I view the world with glasses that always have an extra layer on them. However, I also have squares to my Ascendant from planets and lights in Virgo - the facts-and-figures sign that acts as a cleaning kit for my all-is-beautiful! Sagittarius glasses.

So it's no wonder that my mother, friend and I were all sitting around diminishing Toure's point of view. We all have our risings in compatible signs (air and fire), so there was a bit of groupthink going on. Does this mean that Toure's point of view is any less valid? No. But us positive-thinkers are less likely to be attracted to, and understanding of, his view of the world. It wasn't until he began to tell the story of how race is considered a taboo subject in his household that I began to shift my attitude towards him. In my early childhood experiences, race was a welcome subject in every class at school, for the car ride home from school, at the dinner table and in my prayers at night. Whenever I heard Toure express his views before, I always viewed him as a whiner because...who doesn't know that there are racial problems in this country? How many times are you going to state the obvious, man? Haven't we discussed race enough for three more lifetimes? Apparently, not in his childhood home. So for him, every time that he discusses race, he is venturing outside of his comfort zone and challenging his family's way of handling this complex subject.  And, because race was a taboo subject in his home, he's wearing the glasses that tell him race is not talked about enough in any home.  Insert his life (or career) purpose: to see and discuss race at almost every turn.

My Sagittarius glasses tell me that it's necessary to always break new ground, to explore and discover uncharted territories. For me, race is old ground. All of the social critics that I have heard since I was a child have already planted their flags all over the place. As I thought through this, it became clearer to me why his glasses annoy me and I want to knock them off of his face.

When I was younger, I used to have 20/20 vision.  I was very curious about what my friends with glasses were seeing, so I would always try them on (despite many warnings from wiser adults!).  I still remember how blurry objects became with one pair, how magnified objects became with another.  Even though I was curious about their point of view, I didn't like to wear their glasses for very long. Several minutes in their glasses was quite long enough for me to understand where they were coming from.  It's very disconcerting to view the world with someone else's prescription glasses. I still remember that feeling of relief when I took their glasses off and the world became "right" again.

Ironically, at 16 years old, I developed astigmatism that caused near-sightedness. The astigmatism runs in my maternal side of the family. People with less optimistic rising signs may look at this as bad karma for not heeding earlier warnings. However, I viewed it as the opportunity to look "smarter" and fend off people who don't find intelligence attractive. A win-win says my Venus in Gemini! I would wear my glasses when I didn't need them (e.g. while reading in the library) and not wear them when I probably should have (e.g. to recognize someone from afar that I wanted to avoid).

The funny thing about my family's type of astigmatism is that our vision transforms from the ages of 16 - 25, then it returns to what it was in our childhood. I'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere...

Sagittarius rising with Neptune in the 1st house goggles. 

Welcome to my world.

Leo rising mirror. 

Most of my friends have Leo risings. Pretty obvious why we're compatible, right? lol

What type of glasses do you wear to see the world? 

Related posts:
Blacks v. Whites = Pisces v. Gemini


Purchase or preview "The Black Book".

New to astrology? Find out your ascendant with an interpretation.

On Hiatus...or Twiatus

An Astro Exercise: As you read this, try to figure out what sign(s) my Moon and Mercury is in (if you don't already know). 

I'm taking a break from "social networking".

More specifically, I'm taking a break from networking with random people on Twitter. For free. For the purposes of entertainment or curiosity. (In other words, I'm still doing it when there's a check involved.)

Normally, I keep my online social networking un-networked and very compartmentalized. Facebook is for friends and family to stay connected. Twitter is for strangers - preferably friendly strangers...

But that's not always the case, now is it?

Last May, I created a Twitter account to maximize the time I devote to catching up on the goings-on of the world. I discovered that I could search for anything and I'll get an entire stream of news on anything. A news junkie's paradise, right?

Or so I thought.

A friend encouraged me for months to join Twitter, but I wasn't convinced. That is...until we watched the White House Correspondent's Dinner on C-Span and I saw tweets scrolling across the bottom of the screen. The narcissist in my head whispered that she had some thoughts to share, too. Wouldn't you like to see your thoughts on there, too?! Yes, yes I would. So I created an account, typed in some random thoughts to see them stream across C-Span. I couldn't see them, so I began typing in more for testing purposes.

We figured out that if we click on #nerdprom, we could see the White House Correspondent Dinner tweets and I might see mine.

I read and laughed and typed.

Then I saw this number to my right.

Me: What are followers?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: The number keeps going up.

Within 30 minutes, I was at 65 before I finally figured out that these were people who "subscribed" to reading what I typed.

After the #WHCD was over, I didn't have much else to write. My Twitter purpose was fulfilled.

But then I saw #unfollowdiddy.

Anyone who knows me well knows how I feel about Diddy. I had years of bitterness stored up about some of my favorite artists getting a raw deal from this career-killer soul-snatcher "businessman".

So I had a lot of #unfollowdiddy material in me...

Then I learned how to reply to people who wrote to me.

And just like that, Twitter became an episode of the Twilight Zone where a wish fulfilled turns into a nightmare. The more I read, the more I thought. The more I thought, the more I commented. The more I commented, the more people paid attention and replied. I couldn't hide away as just a reader while on "stage".

Twitter began to feel like my public online diary - a place to deposit my thoughts in bitesize form to remind me of certain events in my life.

I didn't expect complete strangers to care about what I thought. But they did.

They told me to put up a picture so I wouldn't be mistaken as a "bot".

I didn't plan to be on Twitter for long, so I asked my friend what picture to use. Her suggestion? "Use mine!"

She's a sociology grad student who was studying the effects of social media on American pop culture and business.  I love sociology, so I was game.

As weeks went by, I actually found myself enjoying the people that I conversed with on Twitter. After my friend's research was done, I decided to become a permanent presence and changed my picture to reflect me. Some shallow people felt betrayed. Most didn't. I never said the picture was of me so *shrug*. I'm a strong proponent of letting people believe what they want to believe when it's not an important subject matter to me.

Anyyyyway...That was 8 months and 30k+ thousand tweets ago.

Since May '09, I've had some wonderful and enlightening conversations, "met" some great people, beefed with some and caught a few headaches.

But now...it's time for a break (and here's why). At least for awhile.

As with any break up, I like to leave on a good note to prevent Bag Lady Syndrome by reviewing the positives.

Thanks to Twitter, I got over my fear of sharing some of my inner truths with others, of speaking (well, writing) my mind before shit hits the fan.  Fellow tweeters congratulated, reinforced and challenged my views. All of this allowed me to see other perspectives - something I get in abundance in "real life" by necessity (work) or from family and friends who enjoy playing the devil's advocate. However, in all of these offline circumstances, there's a line that none of us cross...because we want to maintain our relationships.

But with strangers, there's no line. Or maybe the line is invisible.

Through Twitter, I was able to see how far I would go with people who I violently disagree with and see how far they would go with me. As my mom likes to say, I'm a "show me" person. I'm not satisfied with just "knowing" something. I want to KNOW it. The only way to KNOW something is to test my hypotheses. And then I form theories based on the results of my experiments. The experiment can last for 10 seconds or a few weeks. But at the end of the day, I learned something that I will remember and apply going forward.

Twitter also encouraged me to restart blogging. I've been a writer for as long as I can remember. I began writing in my first journal at 8 years old. To others, I was a happy child who had many friends, performed well in school, was in many extracurricular activities.  But my journal was my real best friend. The one who kept all of my secrets and never judged me - even when I judged myself.  And I could count on it repeating back to me what I was feeling verbatim - an archive of my feelings, thoughts, life moments! My journal is my friend that just listens to me, without needing me to first listen for hours at a time, without expecting me to come up with the right encouraging words to make it feel better. All it wanted in return for its friendship is to be used and cherished. Done and done!

It was my first - and only - truly reciprocal and balanced relationship.

Just the thought of anyone reading my thoughts was enough to send shivers down my back. Oh, you should have seen the security system I rigged up to make sure that never happened!

So I thank Twitter for providing me with a place online to share my thoughts - though not exactly a safe place, it is one full of immediate feedback from random psychos.

But I'll be going back to my old way of getting soundbite news.

In the meanwhile, I'll continue to share my random thoughts about life here and on my other blog.

Random Readers, if you're interested in reading and sharing your thoughts, too, then that's great.

If you want to keep in touch with me, let me know in the comments section and I'll give you my contact info.

But even if you don't want to read my thoughts or contact me, I'll still be here - writing until the world makes sense to me.

Astro Exercise: My Moon is in Scorpio. My Mercury is in Leo. Did you guess correctly? What clues gave it away? If you also have Mercury in Leo, check out how to use it to your advantage.

Astro Note: PDiddy is a Scorpio with Leo rising. I wonder why he irks me so...? :-P

BONUS:

Want to publish your first 3200 tweets or keep them as a souvenir? Click here.

Astrology Is More Than Just Your Zodiac Sign (And It's NOT a Religion)

 

When I first started learning about astrology, I was on a mission to better understand myself. Scratch that. I understood myself pretty well. I was on a mission to understand why I do what I do and feel how I feel.

Astrology wasn't the beginning of my road to self-discovery but it sure was the most enlightening lamppost along the way.

I always find it strange when people say they don't "believe" in astrology - as if it's a religion or a philosophy. Just like I find it strange when people say they don't "believe" in psychology. Just like I find it strange when people say they don't "believe" in evolution or some other scientific discovery. Frankly, not "believing" in something doesn't make the something invalid or untrue. It just means that the knowledge base (or belief system) that you're working with does not include, or conflicts with, what you don't "believe" in.

To me, not "believing" in astrology, psychology or science is the same as not "believing" that 2 + 2 = 4. Maybe the non-believer doesn't know how to count. Maybe the non-believer doesn't know what 2, 4, + or = means. If there's no meaning, then there's no understanding. Without understanding, there's no faith in the meaning. Belief is a tricky, circular bastard.

What made you travel down this line of thought?

Out of curiosity, I was looking up interpretations for a friend's baby on a site that specializes in baby interpretations. The site is one of the first ones that I discovered way back when...so I decided to re-read some interpretations to compare them to my own interpretations of certain placements and came across a familiar one:

Saturn in the ninth house of higher education, philosophy, religion and travel denotes a stable and practical philosophy of life. The placement explains the chief reason that you are probably not one who can easily accept concepts such as astrology. You are highly orthodox in religion, education, and business. You hold to both the letter and spirit of the law. You are very exacting and focused, possessing very strong administrative skills, especially in the fields of religion, education, publishing, or the law. You are likely to be politically conservative. - Source

The 9th house is the area of our horoscopes that describe our beliefs, conclusions and reflections on our experiences of the world. This is my Saturn placement - and parts of the interpretation could not be further from the truth even if it tried harder. Obviously, I'm very taken with astrology.  I'm not at all religious, let alone do I hold any "orthodox" religious views. While I do love the law, I'm very much a gray-area type of person when it comes to interpreting and applying the law. As a matter of fact, I get rather frustrated with people who hold on to the letter of the law while disregarding the spirit of the law (see "Les Miserables"). I have a very generous respect for tradition and institutions such as universities, government, marriage, etc., but I also constantly question their purpose or practical usefulness in my life and the lives of others.

Which leads me to my advice to people who are just starting out in astrology: Read "cookbook" interpretations of placements and aspects with extreme caution. Remember that these are general descriptions that don't take into account the rest of a person's birth chart. 

Using the above example:

In general, Saturn in the 9th house does indicate a person who fits the above description. However, this description becomes less applicable after taking the rest of the chart into consideration: an active 8th house; the ruler of the 9th house in the 8th house; a heavily-aspected Uranus; Uranus and Saturn co-ruling the 3rd house of communication and thought processing; the rulers of the 3rd house are in the 12th and 9th houses...and more. The 8th house is associated with interests in metaphysics, depth psychology and investigation. An "8th house person" is highly likely to want to understand the motives of people and isn't afraid to dig deep for the answers. Uranus is the rebel planet and is more than willing to follow an unorthodox path. Uranus wants to rock (and maybe even tip over) the boat that traditional Saturn painstakingly built to float upright. Also, Uranus rules astrology.

With these extra chart tidbits, it should become clearer (and easier to "guess") that this particular Saturn-in-9th-house person actually welcomes astrology and naturally questions/challenges the status quo rather than follows a predictable mental route or conventional life philosophy.

Knowing all of these extras is important because the details modify the bigger picture. The more details we have, the more personalized the description gets. (By the way, that belief is reflective of a 9th house Saturn in Virgo in a Jupiter-ruled chart.)

In other words, you are not just your Sun (zodiac/star) sign!!! And you are not just your Moon in ___ , Mercury in ____ , etc. (I now understand why so many advanced astrologers want to tear their hair out at pop culture's over-emphasis on Sun signs when referring to astrology. But I guess everyone's gotta start somewhere. I view Sun sign astrology as the gateway stereotype. lol)

Wrapping up... Before "disbelieving" or writing astrology off because it doesn't seem to accurately describe you, someone or something, ask the following questions:

1.) Who is interpreting?

2.) How much specific information does the interpreter have?

3.) How much of the interpretation is based on theory v. real world application/experience? 

4.) What types of biases are coloring the interpretation?

Now that that's out of the way, hey baby...

BONUS:
The Meaning of Astrology - Cosmic Counsel from a non-astrological perspective
Gotta Have Faith: The Story Of A Tested 9th House
Saturn in Virgo Journey to a Complaint-Free World

The Moon & Nurturing: Balancing Motherhood With Life

Lately, I've been catching up with some friends who have children under 2 years old. Last night, they were discussing the joys and pains of motherhood. Having no children, I mostly listened and took mental reference notes.

Friend 1 is sad about not having enough time to spend with her child because of work. She's worried about her ability to be a good mom.

Friend 2 loves work and feels guilty for not spending more time with her child, then rebellious about how "society's expectations" makes her feel guilty for preferring to be at work.

Friend 3 is a stay-at-home mom / part-time student who wants to spend all of her time with her two children, but is upset that people see her as unambitious for wanting to be a full-time mother.

We know that the Moon represents, among other things, the type of nurturing we received as children and our ability to nurture ourselves and the people in our lives. 

When I took a closer look at their charts, I noticed that most of my friends who were expressing doubts, frustrations, etc. have some type of Moon-Saturn and/or Moon-Uranus connection.

Seems to me that Moon-Saturn aspects manifests as a feeling of having to sacrifice pieces of oneself for children or to live according to social, cultural or familial obligations. Moon-Uranus aspects describe a yearning for freedom and/or resisting the routine that raising a child in a "healthy" environment requires.

Of course, there are ways to resolve these tensions.

The Moon-Saturn mother can learn to honor her own wishes despite what others think of her. Or she can find a way to carve out an identity that is separate from her role as a mother by discovering her personal ambitions. If she so chooses, she can then blend those personal ambitions with her mother role (though without becoming a stage mother or a smotherer!).

The Moon-Uranus mother can learn to carve out some alone-time in her day to pursue her independent interests, which may prevent the "sucked in", overwhelmed or restricted feeling that comes from having someone depend on her for survival. Perhaps the Moon-Uranus mother's children are independent enough to value a mother who gives them a long leash or has a Mary Poppins-like idea of childrearing.

Yep, I'm taking very good notes because I also have one of these aspects, which I "inherited" from my mom, grandmother, great-grandmother and...so on.
 
Related posts:
New Rule: Don't Raise An Other People's Kid

New to astrology? Find out what sign your Moon is in and how it describes your nurturing nature.

It's My Moon Party & I'll Cry If I Want To...

I usually try to update my resume every now and then just in case I get an urge to upgrade my life (yes, I suffer from acute Greener Pastures Syndrome). I don't want to be caught slipping and let a good opportunity pass me by while I'm performing major cosmetic surgery on my resume. 

So it's that time again. I have my eye on a new position that I'm abundantly qualified for and it's my life's passion. Two pluses, right?

After cleaning up my resume, I emailed it to my mom - aka Ms. Resume Doctor - for her objective opinion. She called me a short while later and...let's just say that she did not follow the compliment-criticize-compliment rule. She immediately went in for the kill without any preamble, warm-up or warning. As she rattled off the things that she would fix, I asked her to pause so I could start writing them down.  Once I had pen and paper in my hand, she decided to change tactics and condense her...suggestions.  Perhaps her Moon in Pisces antennae finally picked up on my lack of participation in the conversation. She then backtracked and pointed out the parts that she liked. But all I was hearing was the first 10 minutes of our conversation.

Note to critics who aren't trying to destroy their interpersonal relationships: NEVER start out with the criticism first.  Ironically, she is the one who taught me this golden rule of dishing out constructive criticism that you actually want someone to absorb in a positive way, rather than sticking their head in the nearest oven.

After we hung up, I found a quiet spot where I could be alone and immediately started crying. Even though I knew the source of my tears, they still shocked the juice out of me. One minute I was taking it all in as if she was talking about someone else (hey Gemini-ruled 7th house of Other) and then...I don't usually spontaneously cry like this over criticism, especially not when I'm braced to receive the criticism.

Crying times call for desperate measures, though. So I did something else I rarely do - checked out the transits to my natal chart.

Here's what I found:

Challenging/Conflict

Helpful/Flowing

Transit Sun, Moon, Mercury & Chiron in Aquarius squaring natal 12H Moon in Scorpio
Transit Mercury in Aquarius opposed natal 8H Mercury in Leo
Transit Mars in Leo conjunct natal 8H Mercury & Jupiter in Leo
Transit Mars in Leo sextile natal 6/7H Mars in Gemini
Transit Venus, Jupiter in Pisces trine natal 8H Sun in Cancer & 7H Venus in Gemini

Transit Venus, Jupiter in Pisces opposing natal 9H Saturn in Virgo

Transit Venus, Jupiter in Pisces squaring natal Asc in Sagittarius

Transit Moon, Mercury, Mars & Saturn softly aspecting Asc in Sagittarius

We can easily plug her into these aspect patterns above, right?

This is a clear case of me seeking external opinions (Venus, Sun, Mercury & Jupiter in 7/8H) from a credible, yet critical expert (Saturn in Virgo 9H), unrealistically expecting praise or soft criticism (Mercury in Leo) but meeting up against my mom's emotionally-detached, yet personal opposition of my ideas (shots fired from transit Aquarius and Leo @ natal Leo & Scorpio).

I'm feeling like the way I'm presenting myself (Asc) was attacked...in a deceptively soft way (Venus and Jupiter squaring Asc in Sagittarius). It took me at least 5 minutes to realize I had been wounded (transit Chiron in Aquarius tightly squaring natal Moon in Scorpio). Woman down! It doesn't help matters that transit Neptune is in my 3rd house of communication and natal Neptune is in my 1st house of identity. While my resume was being picked apart, I did some of my most creative doodling to date.

Almost all of these transit planets/stars mentioned above - Sun, Moon, Venus, Jupiter, Chiron, Neptune - are moving through my 3rd house.  With Virgo and Sagittarius in the pattern, the criticism is useful and enthusiastically given, but it's all doled out in a very matter of fact, blunt way.

Which proved to be too, too much for me. As we can see, my Moon, Mercury and Mars are getting attacked from many different angles in the Battle of the Fixed Signs.

Meanwhile, transit Uranus is in my 4th house of MOTHER, emotional security and roots. Transit Uranus in Pisces is tightly trine my natal 12th Moon-Uranus in Scorpio, reinforcing my feeling that she electrocuted my subconscious which caused this flow of emotion. Right now, I'm feeling particularly sensitive and fearful of trying out a different path...

Queue me crying and feeling confused about why this banal exchange is resulting in my tears.

Just three short hours ago, I was laughing my ass off at a comedy show with wickedly politically incorrect humor (transit Aquarius softly aspecting natal Sagittarius) and now I'm crying???

I quickly invited me to a pity party and allowed myself a good "whyyyy meeee?" cry for about 5-10 minutes because you know this incident blossomed into a full-fledged "no one understands me!" breakdown. After feeling sorry for myself a couple more minutes, I figured that it would be more productive to examine why I'm feeling so attacked and sensitive...and then write my feelings away (Venus & Jupiter in Pisces trine Sun in Cancer & Venus in Gemini).

Taking a look at my chart and writing this post has sufficiently dried my tears.

It's times like these that I'm thankful for astrology.

I can rely on more than vague faith to tell me that this, too, shall pass.

BONUS: Check out these celebrities with Moon in Scorpio. Do they look like crybabies to you?

Some real crocodile tears:

Blacks v. Whites = Pisces v. Gemini

VS.

VS. 

Notice the similarities between the symbols for Pisces and Gemini. Hmm...

I've been wanting to tackle this subject for awhile but didn't know where to begin.

At the beginning? Nah, that would take too long.

At the end? Nah, people won't understand my point.

So I'll start in the middle because we can all recognize the "You are Here X" part of the map, right?

Awhile ago, someone shared with me an astrologer's opinion that black people are represented by the sign Pisces and white people are represented by the sign Gemini.

When I heard this, I immediately did a mental run-through of all that I know about Pisces and Gemini and had a cha-ching! moment.

Consider this my co-sign.

Disclaimer: The first thing that we should remember is that the 12 zodiac signs are symbolic representations of concepts, motivations, personality traits, etc. that exist in nature. Zodiac signs are NOT people. So if your zodiac sign is Pisces or Gemini, please don't bother debating that this is not you. I'm not talking about you as a person.  People are much more nuanced than their Sun sign description (see "Dear Astro Beginners" section in the sidebar). 

Now that we're (hopefully) on the same page, moving on...

Let's review the sign of Pisces (ruled by Neptune and Jupiter):

Changeable
Transpersonal (i.e. concerned about people in general rather than individuals)
Spiritual
Universal consciousness
Lucky
Creative arts
Emotional
Co-dependent
Impractical
Sensitive
Intuitive
Receptive
Savior/martyr
Addictive/addicted
Escapism
Confusion
Indirect
Passive-aggressive
Self-pitying
Seductive
Charming
Magic
Glamour
Survivor
Empathic
Abstract
Healing
Soulful
Lost

Now think of terms/concepts that are associated with black people and why/how they are relevant (regardless of whether they are true or false):

Magical Negro
Entertainers
Welfare Queens
Deadbeat Dads
Crackheads
Pimps
Hos
Jesus Freaks
Godly
Seductresses
Mandingo
Lazy
Struggle
Kings
Queens
Healers
Self-hating
Self-destructive
Survivors
Forgiving
Oppressed
Mentally weak/lazy

Let's review the sign of Gemini (ruled by Mercury):

Changeable
Personal (i.e. concerned with individuals rather than people)
Curious
Experimental
Superficial
Independent
Communicative
Forked tongue
Two-faced
Relative
Amoral (i.e. situational ethics)
Logical
Argumentative
Controversial
Critical
Sarcastic
Versatile
Friendly
Indifferent
Detached
Trickster
Witty
Fact-finding/spreading
Masters of language
Scientific
Distaste for physical exertion

Now think of terms/concepts associated with white people and why/how they are relevant (regardless of whether they are true or false):

Smart/clever
Rich
Privileged
Beautiful
Devils
Pigs
Lazy
Destructive
Violent
Racist
Liars
Manipulative
Two-faced
Coded language
Detached
Oppressive
Physically weak/lazy

Mix Pisces and Gemini together and what do you get?

They are endlessly fascinated by their differences.
Both are easily bored, enjoy controversy/drama, and interested in behavior/patterns.
Pisces views Gemini's cleverness as intelligence. Trusts Gemini's grasp of "facts".
Gemini views Pisces' intuition as magic. Wants to understand the "trick".
Pisces desires Gemini to provide emotional sustenance & approval.
Gemini desires Pisces to provide insight and healing.
Co-dependent Pisces gets angry at Gemini's indifference, emotional detachment and experimentation.
Independent Gemini gets angry with Pisces' neediness, self-pity and lack of linear logic.
Empathic Pisces forgives Gemini's flaws and lack of spiritual evolution.
Logical Gemini blames Pisces for its own misfortunes.

Now let's review (a simplistic version of) black and white history in America:

Everyone's African. Most practice varying forms of socialism/collectivism.
Some curious (upwardly mobile) Africans migrate to other parts of the world.
The ones that enjoy Europe stay there.
Europeans create concept of capitalism (w/ pyramid-shaped structure).
Europeans use kingdoms (and serfdom) to strengthen concept of capitalism.
European royalty dispatch some Europeans to explore the world & report back.
Europeans want to conquer the explored areas but need labor to build colonies.
Europeans try to enslave many different peoples in order to avoid physical labor.
Those many people prove to be too weak for the physical labor.
Europeans befriend Africans.
Whites use Bible (spirituality) to bond with blacks and influence the culture.
Meanwhile, whites (superficially) study blacks' culture and experiment to test theories.
Whites spot and exploit differences to create clashes within black societies.
Whites use clashes to obtain black slaves.
Whites kidnap black slaves when they realize they need many more than originally expected.
Whites create laws in conquered America to benefit them and maintain blacks' subjugation.
Whites realize blacks are superhuman survivors, so laws and practices are created to disadvantage blacks as much as possible to avoid a revolution/rise.
Became illegal and/or a reason for punishment to a.) maintain ties to African culture and b.) learn White laws/languages beyond basic need-to-know basis.
Rebellious blacks who fought back were made into examples (e.g. torture and/or death, separation from family/plantations).
Passive blacks who maintained status quo kept their lives/families/security, and learned to depend on Whites for survival.
Smart blacks who pretended to be passive led/participated in successful revolutions.
Throughout slavery, blacks only got two reprieves from back-breaking work: entertaining Whites and practicing White religion (Christianity).
Slavery ends as a by-product of whites divided over regional economic independence.
Blacks are fortunate enough to slip through the cracks of the white-on-white war with their "freedom", but not their basic civil or human rights.
According to the U.S. Constitution - written by whites - people have a right to basic freedoms and all men are created equal...but not black men, black women and black children...or even white women, for that matter.
Blacks are "free" but not free.

Fast forward to present-day black-white race relations in America:

Blacks notably excelling in entertainment (music, sports, drama, etc.) and theology fields.
Blacks who excel in non-entertainment/theology fields aren't widely appreciated w/in larger black community (see sell-out).
Blacks distance themselves from White-created educational system and/or understanding White-created laws.
Blacks worship martyrs for the "revolution" and people who present themselves as saviors.
Blacks are disproportionately suffering from disease, drugs, unstable homes, poor education, etc.
Blacks are still fighting for "equality".
Blacks are simultaneously hating whites and still yearning for White approval.

Whites struggling to maintain status quo that favors them.
Whites recognizing that White-run capitalism screwed them over.
Whites blaming blacks for their own troubles and the degradation of America.
Whites still studying Black culture and enjoying Black entertainment.
Whites rewrote (& rewriting) history to absolve themselves of responsibility for past and current situations.
Whites still expecting absolution for their sins from superhuman spiritually evolved blacks (see Avatar, Green Mile, The Legend of Baggar Vance, Driving Miss Daisy, etc.).

Whites and blacks now expect a Magical Negro (with black/white and Pisces/Gemini) to save/heal them.

We're still endlessly fascinated by each other.  And cannot separate - even if it will save us.

Happy Black History Month!

BONUS: 

Gemini-Pisces Compatibility

Mutable Air (Gemini) and Mutable Water (Pisces)

These two are attracted to eachother like moths to a flame, and there's a lot of initial excitement. Both are absorbers, Gemini of ideas and Pisces of emotional impressions, and they've got a lot to talk about. Pisces will inspired by the Gemini joie de vivre, and follow their lead into stimulating activities and places. The built-in pitfalls here have to do with the sensitivity of Pisces, and the Twins' need for total freedom. Instinctually each understands the changeable nature of the other. But Pisces needs more emotional stability than Gemini can offer, and this only adds to the Piscean insecurity. When Pisces gets the sad look of neediness in their eyes, Gemini heads for the door.

Here you have two chameleons, making it hard to build on solid ground. Even when they try to be sincere, their slippery sense of self causes both to be manipulative without realizing it. Gemini is way too emotionally detached for Pisces, who may feel drained after time spent listening to the whirlygig, feeling everything that Gemini says. Gemini won't want to be censored, and will grow restless when any semblance of clarity from Pisces is eclipsed in a dreamy fog.

Basically this relationship is like a ship lost at sea without an anchor. Both thrive with a partner that leads the way, being so flexible and reactive to others. If Gemini tries to be the boss, Pisces will end up feeling trod upon and misunderstood. On a positive note, Pisces benefits from the detached perspective of Gemini, and can help shape their imaginative gifts. Gemini may be enchanted by the Piscean depths, and grow more heart-wise through the connection. This pairing makes for a memorable, possibly bewildering encounter, but might not have a basis for the long haul.

Famous Couples: Sid Vicious (Gemini) and Nancy Spungeon (Pisces); Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Justin Long (Gemini); Donald Trump (Gemini) and Ivana Trump (Pisces); Drew Barrymore (Pisces) and Fabrizio Moretti (Gemini); Erykah Badu (Pisces) and Andre 3000 (Gemini)

Source

Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 were a quintessential Pisces and Gemini couple. They are attracted to each other's quirkiness but it usually ends up in (Pisces) tears and (Gemini) guilt.  All blacks (Pisces) want from whites (Gemini) is an admission of wrong-doing and a (sincere) apology. If whites admitted and apologized, I believe black anger (and drama) would instantaneously go poof! I also believe this will never happen because...have you ever tried to get a Gemini to admit to an error? And have you ever tried to get Pisces to leave the pity party?

Mariah & Nick: Opposites Attract (And Can Last!) - Part 2

Yesterday, we looked at how opposites Gemini and Sagittarius managed to have the world's longest marriage of a living couple.

So now let's look at a newer marriage of opposites: Mariah Carey (Aries) and Nick Cannon (Libra).

On April 30, 2008, these two shocked their fans (and critics) with a quickie marriage ceremony after dating for only 2.5 months. By all accounts (mostly theirs), this couple is going on two years of married bliss - much longer than I initially gave them (yeah, I lost a bet).

If you've ever wondered what do they see in each other, then you've come to the right place! Let's find out...

Despite the obvious outward differences in age and income brackets, Mariah and Nick are also fundamentally different. The Aries-Libra opposition represents the me v. we balancing act that is the foundation of any relationship. Every relationship contains two separate individuals who become one team for a common purpose. Both individuals within every relationship has his or her own self-centered (Aries) reasons for wanting to be in the relationship. But if those two individuals only think of themselves and never consider The Other Person's needs (Libra), then the partner will most likely withdraw from the relationship. The opposite is true as well. Not paying enough attention to fulfilling one's own needs can lead to personal unhappiness, which is also a relationship killer. Who wants to be in a relationship with a miserable person? When people say "I lost myself in my relationship", what they are saying is that they were leaning too heavily on the "we" side of the Aries-Libra equation.

One listen to any random Mariah Carey song tells us that she's an idealistic Aries who is infatuated with relationships and finding her "dream lover".  After her brief yet emotionally-draining marriage to then-boss Tommy Mottola (Cancer), she divorced and became a serial monogamist. Her most notable relationships & flings include Derek Jeter (another Cancer, Mariah? I guess her Cancer rising makes her a bit of a relationship masochist), Luis Miguel (Aries), and Eminem (Libra).

Enter Nick Cannon, Mr. Lucky Libra (whose most notable past relationships are with airy women: Libra Kim Kardashian, Libra Christina Millian, and Aquarius Selita Ebanks). Libras are the ultimate relationship therapists who know how to spot the heartbroken from miles away. They love to be boo-ed up, and are naturally adept at maintaining the balance of their interpersonal relationships.

In the early 00's, Mariah suffered a nervous breakdown from exhaustion - or a serious case of what I like to call "yes-itis".  We can see from her non-stop hits in the 90's and full 10th house (Sun, Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Chiron) that she devotes most of her energy towards building her career and public image. Mars rules her 10th house and Jupiter rules her 6th house. In other words, she's a workaholic. With the wrong partner and social circle, she could literally end up working herself to death because there's always something else to do in her day to help her career.

Despite Mariah's workaholic tendencies, she also has a passion (read: addiction) for romance. Her Moon-Neptune conjunction in Sagittarius is in her 5th house of pleasure, recreation, romance and creativity. This conjunction connects to her 3rd, 4th and 10th houses via Pluto in Virgo, Uranus in Libra and Sun/Chiron in Aries, respectively. Now we see why we can tell the condition of her love life from her lyrics. Romance is the only area in her life that can compete with her career and her romantic relationships greatly influence her emotional stability.

We don't know Nick's exact birth time, so I drew up a chart with his Sun as Ascendant. We can use this to see how he views relationships, the type of energy he brings to Mariah's life and how they likely interact with each other.

The first thing I notice when I see Nick's chart is the cluster of planets in Libra, which means he and Mariah have opposing values and approaches in a number of areas. Specifically, Nick's ego, emotions, sense of responsibility, and willpower are opposite Mariah's ego, communication style, relationship values and her idea of self-healing.

These oppositions don't necessarily have to mean clashes, though. Nick's extremely focused on his relationships and gains confidence from being in a partnership, especially with a beautiful, successful woman. Because of all of the Aries energy in her chart, I would say that underneath her childish, "protect me" personality (Cancer rising), Mariah is a very willful, dominant, and self-motivated person. Lucky for Nick that it's in Mariah's best self-interests to have a happy romantic life. When indecisive Nick can't make up his mind, Mariah can come in and make the final decision. When Mariah wants to charge full steam ahead down one path, Nick can slow her down and review the different options first. This balancing act is possible if they respect each other's judgment.

Besides his Libra stellium, Nick also has a few planets in Scorpio, which adds some much-needed depth and magnetic appeal to his boyish Libran charm. Mariah's Cancer rising says she's looking for a father figure as a partner (hello Tommy Mottola!). Her 5th house is ruled by Scorpio, so she needs to feel a deep, emotional connection with her sexual partners and likely has a more-more-more! attitude about sex/love/partners. Nick's Mercury in Scorpio intuits Mariah's needs and his Mars in Scorpio is more than ready to deliver. You need a man who will be glued to your hip, fight off anyone who messes with you, and sex you so good you won't think of anyone else? I'm your man!  We may see Nick as a youngster, but Mariah probably sees him as a grown and sexy man - her knight & shining armor (see Nick's response to fellow Libra Eminem's diss of Mariah).

Side-note: Mariah claims not to have slept with Eminem, but I doubt she's telling the truth. Not only is Eminem a Libra like Nick but he also has Moon in Scorpio - either falling in her 5th house of romantic flings or 4th house of emotional security. They definitely bonded through their genitals, which are ruled by Scorpio. Another clue is that Mariah's fued with Eminem has lasted way too long for them to have just been acquaintances (see 2002's "Clown", "Superman", 2009's "Obsessed"). Scorpio loves and hates with a passion. No in-between. If their mutual attraction turned to hate, then sex something had to have been the catalyst.

But back to Nick and Mariah. Nick's Mars-Uranus conjunction in Scorpio is conjunct Mariah's Moon-Neptune conjunction in her 5th house. They were friends for three years before suddenly dating and marrying two months later.  Nick's Libra stellium (Sun, Moon, Saturn, Pluto) is in Mariah's 4th house. His presence in her life greatly influences her emotional well-being - reinforcing one of her natal patterns. His Moon (wife)-Saturn (responsibility, security) conjunction is conjunct her Uranus in Libra (unique relationships). He has said that he immediately recognized her as "wifey material". She instantly felt that he was a solid, dependable partner who's responsive to her emotional needs. All of the activity in the 4th house indicates they feel "at home" with each other. With Uranus involved in this pattern, their "home" is unstable or unconventional - e.g. living out of a suitcase, having many different homes, eccentric decorations, etc. Some may think that Uranus injects some fickleness into a relationship, indicating spontaneous starts and stops (break-ups to make-ups, anyone?). In Nick and Mariah's case, I think Uranus just adds a nice touch of friendship and originality. They won't easily get bored with each other. (Have you seen their..um..zany coordinated outfits/outings?)

Potential problems could arise if one or both of them begin to feel that their relationship is getting in the way of their careers or making them look bad to the public, especially Mariah (with so much natal activity in her 10th house and Nick-related activity in her 4th house). We know Mariah is super ambitious, but it's hard to say if Nick is as career-driven as his wife because we can't tell where his Libra and Scorpio stelliums are located. Also, Saturn is very much involved in this relationship. Each of their Saturns opposes a personal planet of the other. Relationships without Saturn usually end quickly because there's no "glue" to hold the people together. This is extra necessary since Uranus is all up and through their relationship as well.  Another potential issue could be inactivity. If for some reason they're stuck in one place (literally or figuratively), the amount of frustration generated could make them turn on each other.

Summary/Prediction: For now, it looks like they have enough positive energy going for them (read: they're both obsessed with love) to make their relationship worth their while. Many have questioned whether this relationship is imbalanced or just an elaborate publicity stunt. From the looks of their chart interaction, I don't think either of these speculations is true.

Yes, we can learn a lot from watching opposite signs interact. Finding that sweet spot of compromise is the key to maintaining mutually satisfying and functional interpersonal relationships. For those of us who have oppositions in our charts, we can learn how to balance the needs of conflicting parts of our personalities or lives. Those of us with little to no oppositions in our chart can learn that there's some middle ground between all and nothing.

Interesting Note: Christina Millian, Nick Cannon's ex (that he cheated on), is now married and expecting a baby with singer/producer The Dream - who co-wrote/produced several songs on Mariah's latest album. Hmm....

BONUS: The Dream's demo version of Mariah's latest hit about wanting to hate an ex rather than longing after them. Hmm!

QUESTIONS: Does Mariah and Nick have what it takes to survive? Do you see something in their charts that I missed? Have you ever dated your opposite (by sign, personality or values)? What attracted you to that person? What were the challenges? Did you learn anything from that relationship? Who's your favorite "opposites attract" celebrity couple?



Related Posts
World's Longest Marriage: Opposites Attract (And Can Last!) - Part 1

Sources:
Mariah Carey
Nick Cannon  

World's Longest Marriage: Opposites Attract (And Can Last!) - Part 1

Yesterday, I read about an engagement announcement between Capricorn and Cancer.  My first reaction was to doubt the longevity of this relationship, but this marriage just may have a chance (if it can overcome having two celebrities in it, that is). We've all heard the "opposites attract" cliche, right? When we think of opposites, we tend to think of two people, concepts, or things that are polarized and share nothing in common.

However, in astrological terms, opposites represent the two sides of the same coin.  Opposite signs have similar values and life purposes but usually disagree on the strategies and tactics to use to reach their goals. When two people with opposite Sun (zodiac) signs attract, their souls are drawn to each other in order to learn how to compromise. If they don't master the art of negotiation, then the relationship ends. But if both of them can find a way to think of the bigger "we" picture instead of viewing each other as opponents, then these karmic relationships can last a very long time.

For example...

As of 2009, Gemini Herbert and Sagittarius Zelmyra Fisher hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of any living couple. On May 13, 2010, they will celebrate their 86th year of marriage.  




This couple is a good case of how opposites attract and can stay together if they both have effective relationship skills, which include the ability to maximize their similarities and negotiate their differences.

Herbert and Zelmyra's 8 Similarities & Differences

1. They both said they shared the title of "boss." 

Even though they were married almost 50 years before the heyday of the U.S. feminism movement, Herbert and Zelmyra managed to come to an agreement on their marriage expectations that defied their era. Gemini and Sagittarius are progressive signs that naturally "think outside the box", so it's not a surprise that they redefined society's gender roles to create a marriage that works for them. Zelmyra's Moon is in Aquarius (at 29 degrees), so I imagine she comes from a long line of unconventional women who live by their own rules. In 2010, we have a lot to learn from these two about embracing our uniqueness within relationships.

2. Both are family-oriented

In 1942, Herbert built the couple's home where they have resided for over 50 years. His Neptune in Cancer envisioned a secure home and his Moon-Jupiter trine in earth signs illustrates his ability to turn his dreams into a practical gift for his family, with help from a square to Pluto in Gemini for focused determination.

The couple have 5 children, 10 grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren and four great-great grandchildren. Now this is a surprise. Gallivanting Gemini and seeker Sagittarius managed to stay in one place long enough to create stable roots for a large family? (Think Gemini Angelina Jolie and Sagittarius Brad Pitt.)

They are both adamantly against divorce yet are shocked at the length of their marriage (me too!):

Herbert, 104, is amazed at their longevity. “I didn’t know I would be married this long,” he says. 

“I didn’t know it would be as long as it is now,” she says of her 85 years with the same man. “I knew that I wouldn’t be looking for another husband.”

3. Shared money values

According to their children, Herbert and Zelmyra are both excellent savers:

Those bad times include the lean years of the Great Depression when Herbert worked for as little as a nickel a day. They had to raise their own food and ration it for their young children. Perhaps those difficult years bonded and empowered them to remain married for so long.

"They were excellent parents," said Norma Godette. "We were poor, but we didn't do without a thing. If he had two cents he saved one cent."

Herbert worked as a mechanic at the Coca-Cola Bottling Company in New Bern for 35 years.

He took a bicycle, caught a cab or had a neighbor drive him to work.
That hard work and savings put all five of the children through college.

Hard-working & money-saving aren't exactly the two adjectives that first come to mind when I think of Gemini and Sagittarius, but Herbert and Zelmyra obviously defy their Sun sign stereotypes. These two signs are notorious spendthrifts who live for today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. Perhaps the only signs that have them beat on short-sighted spending is adventurous Aries and luxury-loving Leo.

So what gives?

Both have Venus in security-conscious earth signs. Herbert has Venus in Taurus sextile Saturn in Pisces. He demonstrated a strong work ethic to his children without being severe.  With her Venus-Uranus conjunction in Capricorn, no doubt Zelmyra assisted by offering Herbert some good investment advice over the years.

4. Similar hobbies 

They are fond of television news programs, and Herbert especially likes watching his favorite baseball team, the Atlanta Braves. They also take pleasure in sitting on their front porch to watch neighbors come and go and railroad trains whisk by.

Both Gemini and Sagittarius are observers. Gemini likes to connect the dots between various opinions and concepts, while Sagittarius develops theories about why people do what they do. An hour of watching neighbors probably leads to an entire week's worth of discussion.

5. Different daily routine preferences

Now that the children are grown, the Fishers enjoy having a bedroom for each. Herbert Fisher can stay up until the last ball is thrown in the ballgame he is watching. And he does.

Herbert has Mars in ultra-competitive Scorpio, which explains why he enjoys watching sports while his wife (with Mars in gentle Pisces) rejuvenates through solitary rest. They both have Venus-Uranus aspects, making it easier for them to accept their spouse's quirks.

6. Both are spiritual...but with different sets of beliefs and practices

Besides family, God and the church have been ever-present in the Fishers’ lives. They have maintained memberships at separate houses of worship during their marriage. She belongs to Jones Chapel African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church; he’s a member of Pilgrim Chapel Missionary Baptist Church. Both are in James City, the close-knit community where they grew up together.

 They go their own ways on Sunday morning. She reads the Bible daily.

Many couples find it difficult to maintain satisfying inter-religious marriages, but these two developed a way to work around this issue. Stereotypical Geminis are not very spiritual but Herbert has a Moon in Virgo trine Jupiter in Taurus. Trines and sextiles to Jupiter indicate a spiritual, philosophically generous person. He enjoys the more traditional Baptist religion with rules that are less open to interpretation. On the other hand, Zelmyra has a Sun-Jupiter trine in fire signs, which also indicates that she has a highly evolved spiritual outlook on life. However, her idea of religion is obviously quite different from Herbert's. Sagittarius enjoys "foreign" cultures and appreciates religious practices that are tolerant, promotes diversity and progressive. AME is less traditional than Baptist. They often have female ministers and racially diverse congregations. I wouldn't be surprised if Zelmyra enjoys her church because it allowed her to take the lead on projects in a time when that was rare.

7. Both have gentle natures and value niceness. 

Herbert said Zelmyra never gave him any trouble. "No, no trouble at all. We never argued, but we might have disagreed," he said.

They both have quite a bit of earth and water in their charts, revealing more placid natures than we'd first assume from a go-go-go air/fire couple. Between their charts is a tight Mars-Mars trine, indicating that they can work together without much fuss because they have similar approaches to conflict management. Mars in water signs can "hear" each other without lengthy explanations. They are very aware, and respectful, of each other's moods. Zelmyra's Mars in Pisces indicates she is skillful in the art of soft persuasion, while Herbert's Mars in Scorpio says he is the proverbial strong, silent type. A hug or some good sex probably smoothed over many a rough patch between them. ;-)

Zelmyra doesn’t attribute her long, vibrant life to healthy eating, exercise or costly nutritional supplements. Her efforts have been focused on her inner person and building relationships with others. “[You have to] know how to talk to people,” she says. “Try to treat everyone right.”

"He was not mean; he was not a fighter," Zelmrya said. "He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet." 

 
A "quiet" Gemini?! I didn't believe it until I looked at his chart. :-P Although Gemini is the chatterbox of the zodiac, most of Herbert's planets are in the calmer, quieter water or earth signs.  Also, he has Mercury in Gemini conjunct Pluto in Gemini - adding weight to his words. He doesn't speak unless he has something meaningful to say. Meanwhile, Zelmyra has a Mercury-Mars square and Mercury-Saturn trine in water signs. Although she's tactful, she probably has no trouble getting her point across - forcefully if necessary. As we can see from their interviews, she's the spokesperson for the couple.

He's not much to look at, huh, Zelmyra? Hehe. Gotta love blunt Sagittarius. Neither Gemini nor Sagittarius are shallow in marriage. Both signs require a deeper connection than physical attraction to remain interested in a longterm relationship. Given the choice of a companion that is drop-dead gorgeous yet boring or an average-looking yet stimulating partner, both signs would pick the latter for a non-fling. Gemini requires a mental connection, variety of experience and separate social circles in relationships, while Sagittarius requires shared basic philosophies and the freedom to develop different ones if it so chooses.

8.  Both say that if they had it to do over, they would not change their life.

Zelmyra, 101, scorns the idea that there’s some secret to the longevity of their marriage. “No secrets,” she says. “There isn’t any secret. It was only God that kept us together.”

BONUS: Numerology says...

Both Herbert and Zelmyra are born on the 10th day of their birthday months, giving them an independent streak with a love for original approaches to life. They also both have executive leadership abilities. It's a good thing that they allow each other to share the title of "relationship boss". :)

Another married couple is on my radar: Aries Mariah Carey & Libra Nick Cannon.

Tomorrow, I'll check out what attracts these opposites to each other and predict whether or not they'll last as long as Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher.

Stay tuned...

QUESTIONS: What do you think of the Fishers? Are you as shocked as I was to find out a Gemini and Sagittarius have the longest marriage on record? Have you ever dated your opposite (by sign, personality or values)? What attracted you to that person? What were the challenges? Did you learn anything from that relationship? Of the 6 pairs of zodiac opposites, which pair do you think has the highest chance of success? Lowest chance of success?

Any other thoughts or feelings?

Sources:
Married 84 Years, And Still Loving (Sun Journal)
Couple Maintains World Record For Longest Marriage (AARP)
Craven County Minutes (pp. 4-5)

5 Signs of Asexuality

So I went on a date last night and had fun.

When you read "fun", did you assume that I had sex?

If yes, then we're not working with the same definition of "fun". My idea of a fun date is good conversation, lots of laughs, maybe even an adrenaline rush or two (from indoor bungee-jumping!). If I'm stimulated and sexually attracted enough, I want to cuddle and indulge in extended foreplay but...I'm never in a rush to have sex - no matter how well the date went.

Ever since I began dating at 16, I've realized that this attitude makes me abnormal.  While my friends were preoccupied with planning their next sexual rendezvous, my head was in the clouds or in the future. As an adult, my friends are pulling out their hair after a month of no sex, while I can easily "endure" months of celibacy by becoming superhumanly productive.

Even when I'm sexually attracted to someone, I don't necessarily want to have sex with them. I've been in situations where I'm extremely attracted but run in the other direction. Weird but true.

Because of this, I have questioned my sexuality more than a few times.  I'm too sexually turned on by men to be homosexual. But I rarely feel enough of an emotional connection with men to feel comfortable enough to have sex with them. With women, I feel amazing emotional connections that help us form intimate bonds...but I don't want to have sex with them, either.  It's a sexual catch 22. I can either have emotionally disconnected sex that feels good physically but I regret afterwards or have emotionally connected sex that's less than physically stimulating.

So if I'm not heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, then what the hell am I?

I recently read an article that has me redefining my sexual orientation.

Some FAQ:

What are the origins of asexuality?
Asexuality is not the same thing as celibacy, which is a conscious choice, nor is it a side effect of a medical condition, which is a serious problem. Asexuality is merely an intrinsic aspect of a person, no different from any of the more commonly discussed sexual orientations.

Do asexuals experience attraction?
Many do experience attraction, in the form of an emotional connection with someone or an aesthetic appreciation of their physical features, but are not motivated to act on that attraction in a sexual manner. 

Can asexual people have relationships?
Absolutely!  Some prefer to remain single, but others form intimate long-term partnerships.  “Asexuality” is a very broad label: some asexuals only date other asexuals, while others date sexual people.  Some choose to have sex even though they do not experience sexual attraction, others do not.  Asexuals who are interested in forming relationships are referred to as “romantic,” while those who have no interest in relationships whatsoever are considered “aromantic.”

Do asexuals experience arousal?

Many do, though it does not lead to a desire to find a sexual partner.  Some asexual people are not involved in any kind of sexual activity, others masturbate but have no interest in intercourse with another person.  Other asexuals use sex to express romantic attraction for a sexual partner, or experience sexual attraction that is based solely on an emotional connection, not on any outward characteristics (known as “demisexual”). - itsjustkarma

According to this, I'm a romantic asexual.

Although I generally dislike labeling myself, there is a comfort in knowing that my sexual orientation has a name and that there are others in the world like me.

So now that we have a label, I began to wonder if there are astrological indicators for asexuality.

Typically, we look to Venus and Mars in a person's birth chart to get some clues about his or her romantic and sexual style or preferences. The 5th house (romance) and 8th house (deep sex) add more context to the overall sexual picture.

Here are 5 Signs That You Might Be Asexual:

1. Venus or Mars in an air sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius).

Of the four elements, air signs are the most cerebral and least connected to the physical body. These three signs enjoy thinking about or discussing sex. Trey Songz may have invented sex, but someone with Venus or Mars in an air sign surely invented mind sex, phone sex, cyber-sex, sexting and virtual sex. We like "sex" that requires active participation from the brain, preferably with some type of emotional or physical distance. Therefore, those of us with Venus or Mars in Gemini, Libra or Aquarius can go longer than the other signs without any physical sexual contact with another person because we're having good sex all of the time - in our minds.  Anyone who has actually lived out a fantasy knows that, sometimes, fantasies are better left in the imagination.

Both my Venus and Mars are in Gemini. In other words, stroking my imagination evokes the same feeling that another woman with Venus or Mars in a water, earth or fire sign would get from her nipple getting stroked.  A man has a better chance of seducing me by telling me what he wants to do to me rather than actually showing me.

Many descriptions list "intelligence" as a Venus or Mars in Gemini turn-on. But that's a superficial analysis (boo!). Gemini doesn't value "intelligence" for the sake of itself. Holding the most PhDs, reciting the encyclopedia or winning Jeopardy four times isn't what's turning us on. Rather, we're turned on by someone having enough cleverness (or enough curiosity to seek out many tidbits of information) to keep us thoroughly entertained by newness. We're not really concerned with who is the smartest person in the room. We want to know who's most likely to know more sexual positions and techniques. Who's most willing to go there with us? You want to have sex on a roller coaster in space? Me too! Unpredictability is sexy. Igniting my imagination with double entendres, the ability to massage language, and poetic expressions of emotion is sexy. After hearing someone whisper erotic nothings in my ear, I want to light up a (fake) cigarette.

While I don't have a strong desire to have physical sex with someone, I do have a strong desire for a romantic partner. Finding out that this still qualifies me as an asexual was enlightening!

My Venus in Gemini in the 7th house makes no major aspect to any other planet in my chart. Nevertheless, it's strongly placed in its natural house of one-on-one partnerships.  Not only am I at my best with a partner, but I feel somewhat lost without one. It's the same feeling I imagine a twin feels when separated from the other twin - a feeling of being whole yet somehow incomplete. All things being equal, Venus in Libra  (the sign ruled by Venus) would have similar feelings of being incomplete without a partner.


2. Mars-Saturn. Mars desires sex and hunts for a sexual partner to quickly fulfill those desires. Saturn acts cautiously and is concerned with consequences of impulsive actions. These two planets combined can result in slowed sex drives, inhibitions about making sexual desires known, insecurity about sexual attractiveness, performance anxieties, or fears of judgment.  Of course, the signs that Mars and Saturn are in adds more flavor.

We know that Mars in experimental Gemini's idea of sex is discussing or imagining having sex. My Saturn is in picky Virgo. Virgo is never satisfied with Gemini's selection of a sexual partner:  

Mars in Gemini to Saturn in Virgo: Did you hear the way he just described his philosophy of life? He's sexy! Imagine what he can do with some Scrabble tiles. Mmm mmm mmm!


Saturn in Virgo to Mars in Gemini: Yeah, but did you also hear him say that variety is the spice of life? You know what that means: he's probably slept with enough people to fill up New York! He could have a STD, girl! Don't do it!!!

Case in point: Several months ago, I went on a date with a man who I found very physically attractive. The conversation was flowing and he was getting sexier with every witty comeback. In the middle of our flirt session, he spied a man walk by in a pair of skinny jeans, which prompted him to throw out a few "witty" barbs that sounded like a homophobic rant to my ears. Now, most women I  know would have ignored these opinions and continued the date. Maybe even joining in with a few snarky comments of their own. But not me. I was so disgusted with him that my arousal instantly died. His opinion had nothing to do with me but it revealed him to be a closed-minded fool - NOT sexy! It was a true "check please!" moment. 

2. Venus-Mars Square, Opposition or Conjunction. In the 7th house. When Venus (our romantic ideals) and Mars (our sexual desires) "talk" to each other, there's an increased chance of finding a satisfying partner. Can't get anything started without that conversation, right? But what if the conversation turns into an argument because these two can't get on the same page? What if Venus only wants to associate with brag-worthy people but Mars is only sexually attracted to people who rebel against society's standards? In these cases, it's very difficult for the person to have their cake (a satisfying relationship) and eat it, too (be sexually satisfied).  As a result of experiencing many disappointments, they may end up cheating or deciding not to enter into any sexual or romantic relationship.

I have a Venus-Mars conjunction (by sign). In my case, it's not very difficult to find a satisfying romantic and sexual partner because I'm usually sexually attracted to the type of man who also shares my relationship values. What's so bad about that? The rub is that I end up attracting people who are exactly like me, rather than someone who complements my personality by filling in the gaps. Hello Gemini Twins!

Not only do I have Asc (personality) opposing Mars (action) interpreted in the 7th house, (of romantic relationships) but  my Gemini Mars  (sexual partner) is exactly conjunct my Gemini Descendant (ideal Other).  In my relationships, it becomes difficult to tell just who is the "Gemini" partner. Imagine two pairs of Twins in one relationship all arguing every side of every issue, never making a decision because all points of view haven't been thoroughly analyzed and discussed, yet.  Imagine all four of these people changing their minds at a moment's notice.  Not the most stable situation, right? It's quite nerve-wracking, to say the least.

Case in point: My first sexual partner has a Gemini Asc and Sagittarius Desc, which is my  relationship mirror opposite. Pretty cool, right? However, he has Mars in Gemini just like me. Think about this for a minute. He has Gemini Mars in the 1st house. I have Gemini Mars in the 7th house. To make things even more crazy, my ex also has Saturn in Gemini and was going through his Saturn Return while we were together. We spent most of our relationship accusing the other one of being argumentative, indecisive, a flirt, etc. The sad part is that I now know that we were both right. We were literally and symbolically reflecting each other's strengths and challenges.

It was fun at first but then became hell.

Astrological relationship theory goes: We attract people with qualities represented by our Descendant (the opposite of our Ascendant) to make us "whole". How can I find the person who complements my personality (Ascendant) if I am the person that complements me? Am I looking for qualities in others that I should be recognizing/developing in myself? Am I my own ideal partner?

3. A Strong Neptune. Neptune is idealistic. It's our connection to the Universe. It represents the part of our psyche or life where we practice blind faith, seduce others or are easily seduced. Those of us with Neptune prominent in our charts walk through life smelling roses and disregarding the ugliness of the thorns and weeds. We see the "God" around us. Whatever Neptune touches in our chart becomes lifted to a pedestal. If Neptune touches Venus, Mars or our Moon, then we idealize our love and sex partners or emotional connections with our partners.

I have a 1st house Neptune that connects to my 8th house of intimacy and 9th house of ideals via trines to Leo Mercury, Leo Jupiter, and square Virgo Saturn.  My Trail of Broken Hearts is littered with people who I thought  (Mercury) were the best things since the microwave...until I got closer to them and realized that they are not  Mr. Perfect of my imagination but flesh and blood with human flaws (Virgo Saturn).  I'm that woman who  gets grossed out by flatulence, random body hair where it shouldn't be, lack of self control, crass behavior, an unkind nature, etc. The disappointment of seeing a person's humanness (or lack of humanity) is a sexual turn-off. With Neptune involved, no mere mortal can satisfy my dreams so it becomes more satisfying to remain single and date a "dream lover" (written by Mariah Carey, with Moon/Neptune conjunction in Sagittarius and North Node in dreamy Pisces):

4. A water-ruled 8th house. The 8th house represents how we view intimacy and how easy it is for us to be intimate with others. If our 8th house is ruled by Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces, we're psychically receptive to others. We yearn for soul connections but may also fear emotional vulnerability.

My 8th house is ruled by Cancer (Moon). We are extra protective of the issues associated with our Cancer-ruled house. My Sun in Cancer is here. I'm very sensitive to someone misusing the power they gain from  entering my "secret garden".  Because my 5th house is tied to my 8th house through aspects between Mars (sex drive), Mercury (thinking, communication) and Jupiter (ideals, ethics), I require a mind-body-heart-soul connection to feel safe enough to let someone inside me - both literally and figuratively. It's hard enough finding a connection with someone on just one of these levels. Imagine how hard it is to find someone who holds ALL of the keys to open my locked 8th house!

Ironically, the very concept that makes us with a water-ruled 8th house most nervous is also what can lead to our truest healing: deeply spiritual, emotionally-connected sex therapy (shout-out to Robin Thicke, whose patient Pisces Sun and sexual Scorpio Moon wrote this delicious song):

 

5. Moon, Venus or Mars in 12th house.  Our Moon symbolizes our emotional responses to life, what we need to feel comfortable and fulfilled, our instincts, the unconscious messages we learned/inherited from our mother, how we nurture and are nurtured. As we already know, Venus and Mars are the love and sex planets. When at least one of these planets are in the 12th house, some major aspect of our love natures remains hidden from us or from others.

My Moon is in Scorpio in the 12th house of secrets, the subconscious, the collective unconscious and past lives (if you believe in reincarnation). Moon in Scorpio keeps emotions, motives and passions a secret. Moon in Scorpio in the 12th house "knows" that it's dangerous to explore or share emotions, motives and passions without serious repercussions. The popular phrase "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" was  probably coined by someone with a Scorpio Moon. In my past life, perhaps I found out the hard way that passion should be controlled. Having my Moon in the sign that rules the sexual reproductive organs is a good indicator that I have a strong (yet submerged) sex drive and/or was exposed to sex at a very early age.

Both of these are true.

I grew up with the implicit and explicit message that sex is private. It seemed to me as a child that every adult treated sex like the ultimate taboo, refusing to talk about it in any other way except for "keep your legs closed! having sex will ruin your life!" (shout-out to my dad with Saturn in Scorpio) or whispering about it behind my back. As a response, I became obsessed with investigating sex to satisfy my curiosity. I found out the deep, dark secrets of many adults who lived "lightly" during the day. The teacher that taught us to have self-respect and treat our bodies like temples was having affairs with my classmates' parents. The  woman who claimed not to enjoy sex at all had a drawer full of porn. Neighbors were postal workers by day but trading sexual favors for crack by night. And so on.

Thanks to my Scorpio Moon quindecile Gemini Mars, I discovered way more about people's secret sex lives than any child should know. I inadvertantly confirmed through my snooping (or just being in the right place at the right time to overhear information) that the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that whispers to me about the dangers of letting my baser desires get the best of me is a warning that I best heed.  I learned early not to try everything that flits across my imagination  (Mars in Gemini) because it just might become an addiction (Mars in the 6th house of habits).  Consequently, rather than indulge myself sexually, I pour all of my energy into a wide variety of interests  (Gemini) to keep me focused on anything other than fulfilling my sexual desires with someone else and possibly opening myself up to dangerous vulnerability (see #4) or the joy of repetition (shout-out to Prince!).

Some celebrity examples of Quindeciles to the Moon and Mars:

Quindecile to the Moon Arnold Schwarzenegger has his 6th house Moon in Capricorn QD ASC, suggesting the ambitious, workaholic drive entering into the identity, potentially upsetting relationships.

Quindecile to Mars Albert Einstein has Mars in Capricorn QD his ASC, suggesting the quality of unrelenting determination and achievement fused with the identity.

QUESTIONS: What's your sexual orientation? How does your Moon, Venus or Mars describe your sexuality? What are some other indications for asexuality in the natal chart? Do you know anyone who fits the description of an asexual?

New to astrology? Find out how Venus and Mars work together as a team to influence/describe your sexuality.

Related Resources:
Asexuality: The Ace of Hearts
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) 

BONUS: If you're a pro at faking an orgasm, then you might be asexual (or need better sex partners).

How to Fake An Orgasm